I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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