I just saw a hot homeless man
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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