I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
