the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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