omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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