That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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