He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
