Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
