The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
