Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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