i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
