I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
