They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
