someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
then he tried to convert me to islam
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
