I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Pants are for mortals
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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