the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
