Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
