Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
