My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
