My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
