if you like me you must not know who I am
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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