I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
