Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
