We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
