I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's never too late to be topless.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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