I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
