New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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