Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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