Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
