I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
