It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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