I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
