i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
