The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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