I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
