we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
