I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
