a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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