highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
