I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
