I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
