Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
