He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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