:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
