goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
