ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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