i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
