What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
