hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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