Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
