i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
