White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i think i have two assholes
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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