So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
