I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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