my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
